You’re going where? For how long?
These were the questions that I was asked after I said I was going on a silent retreat for five days.

I heard these two questions so many times I questioned what came out of my mouth. It felt like I said something that did not make sense. Whenever I announced I was going on a silent retreat, I was met with a blank look or a look of disbelief.  Most people could not compute, they could not understand what possessed me to go on a silent retreat.

I am going on a silent retreat for five days. Then came, what do you mean? Do you mean, it’s going to be completely silent? You mean you won’t be able to talk? Yes, that’s correct…and then the inevitable:” I don’t think I could do that, no talking for 5 days. I know I could not do that.” That made me smile and I believe that most people could not do that.

Why did I want to go on a silent retreat? A friend of mine went to a silent retreat at Loyola House at the Jesuit Center a couple of years ago and she liked it. Since then, I wanted to go and I believed it was the right time. Also, I was reading a book called The Art of hearing heartbeats by Jan-Philipp Sendker, and I wanted to experience that art, I wanted to start practicing it. I thought a silent retreat was a great place to start.

Here I was on a Sunday afternoon, all packed and ready to go.  I left at 4:30pm in order to get there at 6:00pm. I don’t like to drive long distance during winter and I don’t like to drive when it’s dark. I was excited to embark on this journey, a special time with God. This was my thought:” My heart leaps at the thought of spending time with you. I am overjoyed and greatly humbled.”

On my way to the Jesuit Center in Guelph, I have images of monks wearing their long robes and since I have two African moumous, I packed them in my suitcase because they resembled the kind of robes that monks would be wearing.

It took longer than I thought but it was a beautiful drive. I arrived there at 6:30pm, right on schedule as arrival time was scheduled between 6:30 and 7:45. My first encounter was with 3 Asian people who smiled at me. I smiled back while thinking: Great!!! Monks, as I envisioned it.

At 8:00pm, we had a welcome meeting where all retreatants gathered in the chapel. One by one, we introduced ourself. I was surprised to hear that some people were at their 10th, 12th even, 15th visit. Fortunately, there were some first time retreatants like myself.

The Atmosphere

The atmosphere invited us to be silent. We were told not to use our alarm, to trust the Holy Spirit would wake us up. I almost rolled my eyes but I obeyed this directive because it felt like we were on holy ground and in a sense, we were.  Believe it or not, not one time did I use my alarm.  I woke up every morning at 7:00am without fail.

We, then, met with our spiritual director whom I would meet every day at 8:30am right after breakfast. Then they gave us a tour of the venue.

Jesuit Center is a land of approximately 600 acres. We were invited to take advantage of the different trails available to us. And I did . I went for a thirty minute walk every day. I was thankful for the clean air, for the open space, for the beautiful scenery. Silence is indeed golden! Some people even brought their skis and they were encouraged to take advantage of that as well.

My bedroom was located on the first floor closed to the washroom which, for me was a special blessing specially because I don’t usually use the stairs due to bad knees.

The Food

The Food was fresh, amazing, all organic, full of goodness, and obviously prepared with love.

Eating in silence, although surrounded by other people, is a different experience because although we did not talk to anyone, we connected because we came as one, in unity, for the same purpose.

When I finished eating, I felt full, not stuffed. During my stay there, I had no stomach problem, no Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

The questions

Many people wanted to know what I did while I was there.  I guess saying that I was in contemplation was not enough.  the question “what did you do?” keeps coming up.  What did I do?  It’s not so much the doing but the being. But how do you ask “What did you be?”.  In silence, I became more thankful, more appreciative of everything and for everything that I was experiencing. I was thankful for the silence not only in noise but also in stuff.  Then, I realize that we really do not need too much to live a full life.  I had everything I needed and I felt full spiritually and physically.

I did not feel out of place, not for one second.  Although, we did not speak to each other with sounds but we spoke with each other with attention.  A smile meant you are welcome, a sign asked for your attention and a nod meant that you were seen.  I received a compliment on my “moumou”, the lady did not have to say anything but the way her face lit up when she saw me, meant a lot, and she signed.  I don’t use sign language but I understood what she meant.

In the doing category, there was no set schedule except for mass which was scheduled at 11:00 am every day. We were invited to go but not forced to go. Meal times were set at 8:00 am – breakfast, 12:30pm – lunch and 6:00pm – supper.  I met with my spiritual director every day at 8:30am for 45 minutes, and sometimes more.  We had wonderful conversations.  He gave me some direction in regards to prayer, to meditation, to seating in silence.  I wrote a lot.  I wrote about what I heard in Spirit, I wrote about what I was reading in the bible and also, my impressions of what I read in the Art of hearing heartbeats.  As I mentioned before, I ate, I walked, I practiced my speech when I went for a walk.

Hearing is an art which means that it takes practice.  It is an exercise that needs to be practiced at every moment.  Hearing deeply means that we have to slow down, it takes time.  For me, the silence made me aware of everything I would otherwise not pay too much attention to:
– The sound of foot steps (male, female, different ethnicity);
– The sound of running water;
– The sound of people chewing their food;
– The sound of the wind;
– The sound of the heater;

– The way people related with one another.  Some people passed you by without a look, some smiled as they passed you, and some nodded.  Same situation, different reactions.

All sounds were amplified. Everything came to life.

Remember, I told you I was reading a book called: The art of hearing heartbeats? In the book, the young man was blind and he could hear butterfly wings, birds in their nest, heartbeats.

One night before I went to bed, I thought: “wouldn’t it be amazing God if I could hear these things as well?  What an experience, that would be!”. Well, be careful what you wish for.  That night, I was awoken by two different distinct sounds which I had never heard before. I got scared and I said: “No God, it’s a little bit too much, I don’t think I am ready for that yet. Make it stop!” And it stopped. I went back to sleep. That was that.

I am thankful to have lived such an experience at the retreat. I did not see any monks, and although, I did not hear other people’s heartbeats, I was able to hear my own. I know it takes practice in order to hear more. The challenge has been and still is to find time in my usual surroundings, to be still and be silent.

This has been an amazing experience.  For this reason, I know I will make the silent retreat a yearly pilgrimage.

What about you? Would you be able to go on a silent retreat? Would you be able to practice the art of hearing?